What I'm trying to say is ...
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(First) Lady & The Trump

Joe Baron
22nd October 2016

15 rating

What a surreal US Presidential campaign it has been so far this year. And to think they could have had Bernie Sanders as leader. Just for once, we might actually have got to witness just how strong a nation of honest, fair, hard working people can really be when they stand up together and unite for the greater good of all. Not now. Oh well.

Trump and Clinton having the time of their lives.Click the photos for fun links ...

Instead the world now has to settle for former first Lady Billary Clinton, or the divisive Donald Tramp... sorry Trump. I must remember, it’s ‘u’ as in ‘c*nt’, as opposed to ‘a’ as in ‘cant’. As I naturally attribute both words to Donald Trump, it’s easy to make the odd slip up in pronunciation every now and again. But in the interests of fairness to Mr Tramp, er that is, Trump, I shall batter my ufforts, as to not accidontally mis-pronunciate my worms. Just in cose. Billary was intentional however.

Billary is not a mispronunciation.

I’m completely baffled as to how anyone could ever trust Donald Trump? And yet they seem to on mass in the US at the moment. Everything about the man is so blatantly untrustworthy and shady. So much so, that even his hair cut is a blatant act of obvious deception, with each carefully swept, badly died comb over, serving only to conceal another even more carefully swept, even more badly died comb over. A hair cut like that should be illegal.

For Donald Trump, even brushing his hair in the morning involves crafting several layers of deceit over what, or indeed what does not, lie beneath. And, as a result, the end product is something quite simply ... well, a complete mess to be honest. But this is quite fitting, as to me, Donald Trumps haircut is actually the physical embodiment of his entire Presidential campaign. How any one could seriously fall for it is beyond me. Outside of falling over with laughter that is. Just look at it. It's ridiculous.

Trump's Illegal haircut.

And speaking of ‘falling’ for something, I’m even more baffled as to how a man such as Donald Trump, attracts such a beautiful, on the surface at any rate, younger woman as a wife, despite the omni shambles that sits a top his obese loud orange head? Although perhaps not so much. After all, there's a reason why Lex Luthor was Superman’s Nemesis without any super powers at all. He may have had no super powers of his own per say, but what he did have was an awful lot of money. As does Donald. He knew full well that his money could control people’s minds, and more importantly, actions, in a way that would make Professor X's wheelchair spin.

Professor X gets annoyed.

That may be a spin out of pure jealousy, brought on by the power of Lex's money that can so effortlessly persuade people to allow themselves to be controlled so willingly and blindly on mass - I mean, decades of hard work and fine tuning his super powers, and poor old Professor X still cant do that. Or it may be just a spin from having his wheelchair mechanic bribed to cross a few cables in his chair, to 'accidentally' send it into fast spin before auto ejecting him from the seat when he switches it on. Poor old Professor X. When it comes to mind control, he's got no chance against Lex Luthor's money. It would never happen though, as one is Marvel and one is DC, but that's not the point.

What I'm trying to say is, money has the power to make us all do things we don't really want to do everyday, even the most gifted among us, on the false premise of freedom, and or the pointless premise of greed. A freedom few of us can ever actually achieve and a greed based on fear that lies within all of us somewhere. Although just an illusion, money is the ultimate man made control structure. The vast majority of people are all living and working in an open prison everyday and they don't even know it. Lex knew this. So does Donald.

Lex Luthor with a Donald Trump wig on.

We all scoffed as Donald Trump confidently stated he was capable of having the top job of the President of the United States within realistic touching distance. It just seemed like a bad joke in the beginning didn't it? Look at him now. And not his hair, we've already debunked that. If there’s one thing we’ve discovered about Donald Trump this election campaign, unfortunately, it is that if something’s within his touching distance, he’s going to make a clean grab for it! Inexperienced? It would seem he already has a proud long standing history of grabbing the bald eagle...

Trump wants to grab the Bald Eagle.

I sometimes think Trump's whole approach to 'winning' the US Presidency, is as if he's playing 'capture the flag' on a first person shooter computer game. It's all very exciting isn't it Mr Trump? But what happens if you actually win? What then? Back to reality, or play another game? My worry is once the game is over, if he wins, he'll decide he wants to play again. Only this time switching the game mode to 'one hit kills' so he doesn't get bored. The man's a nut job. Just look at his hair.

Trump with The Golden Gun.

What ever he’s set out to do, to me, Donald Trump at the very least proves two things. Looks aren’t everything. And money can’t buy you happiness. Or necessarily a decent hair cut it would seem, although very possibly a beautiful, on the surface at any rate, younger woman. That’s 4 things ... I know. But what I'm trying to say is, despite all his riches and beautiful younger wife, Donald Trump is still clearly a very fearful angry man. He's still not happy. And I don’t think it’s because he’s living a perpetual bad hair day. He is. That's neither here nor there. Here nor there would be better in fact. It's all over the place. Just look at the state of it. All that money and he still wont pay for a decent hair cut? I just don't get it? But his hair is not the issue. It is an issue, he really does need to sort it out, it's just not the issue. What I'm trying to say is, Trumps hair may be ridiculous, but is it's not a troubling political issue (apart from making him a global laughing stock that is).

Trumps Manifesto. A wall.

Trump's political views are no secret. It's clear he would prefer it if Old El Passo was rebranded as New No Passo with his smug smiling face on the packet. Building a wall seems to be at the top of his manifesto. And bottom. In fact I'm beginning to think it might be the only thing on his manifesto and he'll make the rest up as he goes along if he wins. A wall. That's the grand plan is it? I mean honestly. According to Trump, all Mexicans have their dick in one hand and an AK47 in the other. More fingers than teeth. More children than fingers. Each with different mothers. Some of them relatives. But, even with the giant sombrero they stole on their heads, drugs in their back pockets and a knife in their sock ... Mexicans can still climb Donald. They're coming for you and your beautiful wife and children ... What a grade A Muppet. And yet he's a serious contender for the President of the USA? Surreal. Who is voting for this man? Somebody please wake me up. I must be dreaming.

Truth is Mr Trump, at the rate of knots he's getting through them, there's more chance of an American man losing his wife and daughters to the boyish charms of Harry Styles than to a long suffering Mexican! Get over it.

Lock up your wives and daughters America.

Hillary Clinton will largely escape the firing line from me at this time. Firstly, not because I want her to win, I don't like her either, but because I really want Donald Trump to lose. And secondly, as I'm hoping Trump will lose, there'll be plenty more opportunities for discussing her behaviour at a later date.

But what I will say, is that given the state of Hillary Clinton's abysmal track record on honesty, who on Earth chose to dress her in that white jump suit for the third televised debate? I'm sure they thought it looked pure, clean cut, tidy, innocent, honest. But all I kept thinking was Dr Evil!

Hilary Clinton - Dr Evil.

All that was missing was the clenched fist and little pinky to her mouth for goodness sake. But then I guess Monaca already successfully took care of that with Bill all those years ago! Sorry, that was below the belt. As was that! Again, apologies, couldn't resist. Hillary is not responsible for her husbands cummings and goings - that's the last one I promise. By all accounts, it was a heavy load to swallow for all the women Bill gagged ... Sorry, but it's just too easy.

Unfortunately, Hillary did play her part in helping silence Bills' accusers. For that she is fully responsible. She helped to wreck those women's lives. But as said, I don't really want to go into Hillary ... but then neither did Bill clearly! Too much? I thought so too. I really am going to stop now. I've offended myself. Disgraceful. But then it's also exactly my point. It seems to be what this US presidency election is being fought over. They both seem to be just one step shy of resorting to 'Yo Momma So Fat' jokes to win the election. What is going on here? Aren't we supposed to be talking about Hillary and not Bill? Unfortunately, it would seem Hillary's just got to take her husbands sticky mess on the chin or swallow it with a smile.

Bill Clinton's little pinkie.

For me, Hillary Clinton's biggest crime, wasn't crushing her husbands accusers for years, or her corrupt, potentially illegal email activity, we wouldn't know would we, as she hurriedly deleted them by the tens of thousands by 'accident'... or the other dubious activities in the long list of dubious activities. For me, it was stopping Bernie Sanders running for President. She shouldn't even be standing there. That may yet turn out to be the biggest most damaging crime of the century. As said, only time will tell.

Bernie Sanders - Feel The Burn.

As ever, there isn't really a 'good' option left, so democracy in the 'free' world once again resorts to the opportunity you think is the least worst option, as opposed to the opportunity you actually want, giving rise to the same old simple universal voting logic. Vote for who you want out, not in. Or else who you want out, may very likely end up in. It's not ideal, but it's what is there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, choose your poison wisely America. But never decide not to choose. You might not want either, but one of them in particular looks like they could prove fatal here. You run the risk of putting a narcissistic moron at the helm of the free world. The world only just about survived the global ramifications of the last rich privileged village idiot that some how managed to elevate himself to POTUS. Please, let's not have another one ...

Geaorge W Bush answering the telephone upside down.