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The Inflated Condom Head & The Big Footed Emperor

Joe Baron
19th June 2017

15 rating

I remember the good old days. Before the word Brexit even existed. Days when no one in charge had a clue what they were doing. When we had a Cabinet full of inept out of touch millionaire misfits that strived to increase inequality at every turn. When we had a chancellor that looked like a Vampire and a Prime Minister that had a head like a blown up sweaty condom ...

David Cameron - blown up condom headClick the photos for fun links ...

You know, the good old days where the Prime Minister was prepared to gamble the entire Nation's well-being and future on their own heavily misperceived popularity. The days where we had a government that liked to slash disabled peoples benefits to help enable them to enrich their wealthy friends. Where politicians expenses scandals were rife, and the NHS was being massively under funded at its peril. Those were the days ...

David Cameron - let's stick together

Hang on a minute? They still are the days? It's exactly the same after Brexit as it was before, only the Prime minister now looks like a lanky, big footed, Emperor Palpatine in drag instead.

Theresa May Emperor

But then perhaps that's because Brexit (I still cringe at the sound of that word) hasn't even started yet. It's been a whole year, and nothing's happened. All that's happened of any significance is that Emperor Bigfoot has drastically weakened her own powers of negotiation in Brexit talks by calling an election that no one else asked for, that wasted £130 million pounds of tax payers money, and that left the country in a state of indecisive hung parliament. Now she's got to crawl around on all fours sucking dick to the right wing DUP in Northern Ireland just to scrabble together a significantly weaker position than she had before. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Although with feet as big as hers, I'd imagine it's hard not to. I'd wager there's sasquatch out their walking around with intense foot size envy on the sight of her over sized bling covered flippers. Embarrassing. She shouldn't be in charge. I had previously thought Gordon Brown was the most hapless, most useless, Prime Minister ever, but now I really think Theresa May has him well and truly beat.

Gordon Brown Bigoted old woman

So in other words, all this government has achieved in the last year towards Brexit, is waste a ton of money they didn't have in the first place and heavily reduce their own negotiating power in the process. And to think they accuse their opposition of being no good with money and of having weak leadership. And all in the interests of creating a strong and stable something or other; nobody is really quite sure? From an observers point of view, there really doesn't seem to be anything strong or stable in Theresa May's Conservative Government at all. Perhaps she means a 'strong stable' for all the poor and homeless people she creates to live in? Who knows. Although I doubt it. She doesn't care about them. They've got the wrong type of bank balance. It seems to me, in the last year, the country would have actually been better off if the government had done absolutely nothing at all in preparation for Brexit talks! Europe must be scratching their heads in confusion looking at us. They must feel like that boss in Fight Club that has to watch Edward Norton beat himself up in front of him in his office ...

Tyler Durden beats himself up - The Rules Of Brexit

And things are likely to get worse after Brexit apparently. Of course they are. This is because the out of touch misfits are getting 'back to work' as Drag Palpatine tells us. It seems to me every time they start working, things start getting worse. At this rate, we'll have to start paying the government money to stay well away from decision making; it will be cheaper and less damaging to the country!

Let's get back to work ... Conservatives UK

Although in Theresa May's defence, she didn’t actually choose to leave the EU herself at all. She wanted to remain. She was heavily against Brexit in the referendum. Presumably that's why they then gave her the top job to lead Brexit afterwards? It was her first of many U turns and ensured that the mandatory incompetence and untrustworthiness required to be a Conservative Prime Minister was there from the outset. At least nobody can say she didn't start as she meant to go on ...

The Lady is not for turning ... Conservatives UK

That and the 2 crooks that led the scare campaign to get people voting for Brexit, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, soiled their pants when they realised they had actually won and now it was time to deliver on their promises. They had no plan what so ever as to what was going to happen if they won. Their whole campaign was based on complete lies. Turns out Johnson and Gove didn't pledge "£350 million a week to the NHS" at all, as they had spent a small fortune plastering all over bill boards, newspapers, and the sides of buses up and down the country: what they actually pledged was "up to £350 million a week to the NHS"; so in other words, £0.

Lies about the NHS ... Conservatives UK

But the biggest culprit in all this is still the blown up sweaty condom headed buffoon with a penchant for inserting his penis into dead pigs mouths at dinner parties. David Cameron only held the Brexit Referendum in the first place because he arrogantly just assumed he would win. It was just a game to him. The only plan he had if he lost was to quit and leave the mess to someone else whilst he raked in his fat pension. He gambled the entire nations future on his own popularity just to try and put an end to his Tory colleagues defecting to the ghastly Nigel Farage and UKIP. Basically he did it to help secure his own legacy, then when he cocked it up ... he quit. He was basically Billy Zane's character in Titanic, only fatter and much less attractive, that put himself in front of the women and children to get on a life boat and save his own ass before things got a bit hairy.

We're all in this together ... Conservatives UK

For all his condescending rhetoric, when the going got tough, he jumped on the first ship out of town and didn't look back. He was gone. He was nothing but a sing when you're winning, quitting, coward. "We're all in this together" he used to preach. Well, we certainly are now Mr Cameron; in the shit thanks to you! And now thanks to Mrs May, we're sinking in it fast!

David Cameron with Pig ... Conservatives UK

With 52% voting to leave and 48% voting to stay, according to Theresa May, the nation had spoken loud and clear that it wanted Great Britain to leave the EU. It wanted a Hard Brexit, not a Soft Brexit. What ever that is. I must have missed the adjective tick sheet on the voting form. All I saw was 'in' or 'out'. There wasn't even a 'shake it all about' option as far as I could see. I voted to remain in the EU. But if I did vote the leave, I'd have appreciated it if someone had let me know before hand that we could've made up different varieties of Brexit to vote for like Theresa May seems to do on a daily basis. If I was that way inclined, I would have voted for a runny in the middle Brexit, cooked on low heat and flipped at the end to make sure it's fully cooked. It works for eggs so why not Brexit? At any rate, it's more of an exit plan than the entire Conservative Party had mustered between them. I say that as a joke, but unfortunately, it's true.

No Brexit Plan what so ever ... Conservatives UK

Truth is, all the Brexit Referendum really did was divide the nation into two angry halves. People were arguing about it at home, at work, at school. Of course, the media 'experts' tried to blame the working class for the result as always. Bollocks. I'm working class and I wanted to stay. And I know wealthy solicitors that lived in the country that wanted to leave, for what I considered racist reasons but they didn't. And I know poor people that worked in cleaning that wanted to stay for what I considered very rational reasons. It wasn't a rich poor divide thing or a class thing at all. It literally divided every single person into either one camp or the other. I even know a couple that were arguing about it so much, they decided not to vote at all, as not only would their votes cancel each other out as there were only 2 options, they would also waste their evening and possibly fuel further pointless arguments. Everybody always says you have to vote, but you can't argue with the logic there. It's well considered and results in peace.

It basically came down to a fifty-fifty pie in the sky subjective opinion thing where you either picked one or the other. In fact, 48% to 52% is the kind of statistic you would expect if you just tossed a coin for every person in the country. There was nothing decisive about that result at all. Nobody really understood any consequences of what Brexit would mean ... even the 'experts'. Neither camp could produce any facts in their campaigns because no one had any. There weren't any. No one had a f*cking scoobies what leaving would entail. Something that became evidently apparent after the votes came in and it was time for action. I honestly don’t think the leave campaigners thought they would win themselves as they had no plan what so ever to enact when they did. Absolutely nothing at all. At least I had a plan about an egg. They didn't even have that. They were just as shell shocked that they had won, as David Cameron was that he had lost. It was utter chaos. Again. A complete and utter shambles. Again. Or for the Conservative die hard's and doublespeakers out there ... a strong and stable result.

Muppets ... Conservatives UK

I cannot believe that the snap election results show that the Tories still remain the biggest party after all that. How is this possible? Who votes for these people? What narrative are they observing? Doublespeak clearly is the most powerful of tools. As if their track record isn't dreadful, cruel, and heartless enough, the amount of money wasted, with no plan in place what so ever, for Brexit was astonishing. Over £140 million pounds apparently. And then once again with Theresa May's snap election that no one wanted. Another £130 million wasted. So that's £270 million pounds flushed down the toilet by The Tories, plus the rest from the after effects of leaving the EU that we are told we will have to brace ourselves for. One Prime Minister quit in shambolic embarrassment after a cock up from a monumental gamble on Brexit, and the next weakened their own bargaining power by holding an election that no one asked for and throwing away their majority. One shot themselves in the head. The other shot themselves in the foot. You couldn't make it up. So bad, the media labeled Mrs May a "Dead Woman Walking." They are utterly, utterly, useless. Again, who the hell votes for these people? And again, for the Conservative die hard's and doublespeakers out there ... a strong and stable result. Like I said, it's a very powerful tool for manipulating the weak minded.

It seems to me that a Conservative government could force certain people to hack off their own dick with a blunt spoon and then force feed it to them ... and they'd still obey the narrative and give them their vote. Some of them would even go as far to add a dash of salt and pepper and comment on how lovely it tasted ... It's astonishing.

To make matters worse for Mrs May, she exposed how incredibly weak, cowardly, and lifeless her personality was in the run up to the election. She was afraid to be in the same room as Jeremy Corbyn in public, let alone debate anything with him. She started wearing more and more ridiculous necklaces by the day. I genuinely thought she had an armadillo wrapped around her neck at one point. I nearly rang the RSPCA. She says running though fields of wheat was apparently the naughtiest thing she's ever done. Well, unless you were running through the fields naked with a corn on the cob stuck up your arse, I rather think cutting disabled people's benefits whilst letting your rich mates off paying taxes and deliberately under funding the NHS is somewhat naughtier Theresa. You've almost certainly sold some weapons to some unsavoury too.

Theresa May Feilds Of Wheat ... Conservatives UK

Can you believe she actually thought she'd gain a 100 seat plus majority? Doublespeak is strong ... but not that strong. If you believed it as well, I ask again ... what narrative were you observing? Like I said, doublespeak is strong, especially via main stream media. And then Jeremy Corbyn, the man she spent the last 2 years mocking as un votable, by actually connecting with the public's issues, made massive gains on her, the biggest Labour Party gains since 1945 in fact, and hence put a stop to the majority Tory rule that currently presided over the nation. In short, Theresa May, got every single thing wrong. She got nothing right. She has no redeeming features what so ever ... and yet she is still somehow running the country?

40% of total electorate voted for Jeremy Corbyn 2017 ... Conservatives UK

And she continues to keep putting those overly large ungainly feet in her mouth even after the election. No wonder she prides herself in having so many pairs of shoes. She must keep swallowing the damn things! Imagine turning up to Grenfell Tower after that terrible fire and after all the lives needlessly lost in such a horrific manner, and REFUSING to speak to any of the residents, citing a security risk. A security risk! A risk to her health! Of all the excuses to give. Talk about insensitive. More deaths via internal criminal negligence to save a few pounds, deaths that should have been prevented, than there has been from terrorist attacks in well over ten years, and she sites a security risk to her own individual health as to why she cant face talking to those affected in the most devastating way. Weak. Cowardly. Cold. Uncaring. Unsuitable for task. What a leader ...

Then the Queen and Prince William turn up the same day and are talking to everyone, there was no security risk, along with guess who ... that man again, that she branded the world's biggest loser, Jeremy Corbyn. He listened, he helped out, he spoke out about the Governments dreadful response to the crisis and things that needed to be done to help more. The residents loved him. He didn't just turn up. He didn’t just show that he cared ... he actually did care. The difference is monumental. Something Theresa May simply cannot do. Theresa May was even described as 'cold, like a fish' by one member of the Grenfell Tower community.

Cold like a fish Theresa May ... Conservatives UK

It doesn't matter what her pro Tory media and news papers might report to limit the damage she does to her own reputation every time she does anything, it's already perfectly clear she doesn't really care about people in the Grenfell Tower community at all. They don't have the right kind of bank balance ...

I voted to stay in the EU. The whole rational for leaving, aside from racism and a superiority complex that is, seemed to be to allow our government to regain complete control over the nation. That's actually what worried me. Aside from the fact they have a proven track record of U-turns, woeful money management, and unnecessarily cruel redistribution of wealth, if the Conservatives get a good run of unfettered power, we will be accelerating England back to Victorian times faster than David Cameron can slip his dick in a pig's mouth. Faster than Theresa May can run and hide whenever Jeremy Corbyn walks into a room. Working rights out. NHS out. Welfare out. Teaching? Teach yourself! Police? Don't need 'em. Fox Hunters? Yes, we need Fox Hunters. No thank you.

I voted for Labour because of Jeremy Corbyn. Just like Bernie Sanders across the pond, his history proves he's genuine. He has values and integrity. He actually cares about human beings. And yes, he is a strong leader. Strong and stable. And very intelligent too; which is why Mrs May is too afraid to debate him, choosing instead to attempt to mock his credibility with the help of Rupert Murdoch and mainstream media. I have seen no evidence of any cowardice or U turns from him. In fact I've only seen strength and resolve at every hurdle. There is no doubt in my mind what so ever, Jeremy Corbyn and Bernie Sanders across the pond are both the real deal. Cameron and May on the other hand ... pathetic. The latter's making a pigs ear of things, and the former ... a pig's mouth!

David Cameron with Pig ... Conservatives UK

To make a long story less long, I guess what I'm trying to say is ... May out, Corbyn in. And while you're at it, Donald Trump out, Bernie Sanders in. The Corbyn Sanders 'Special Relationship.' There's your 'Strong and Stable.' Never mind negotiating Brexit, I think The Europeans have already had enough of Theresa May acting the biggun, before beating herself up and shooting herself in one over sized foot, whilst attempting to swallow the other ... embarrassing. To me, Theresa May is better off being relegated to be with her friend Dave, chasing pigs up and down the fields of wheat, before she can do any more damage to this Conservative battered country ...

The Special Relationship ... Conservatives UK